The Only Exception 🏳️‍🌈

The Only Exception 

When I was younger 

I saw my daddy cry

And curse at the wind.

He broke his own heart 

and I watched

As he tried to reassemble it.

And my momma swore

That she would 

never let herself forget.

And that was the day that I promised

I'd never sing of love

 if it does not exist.

But darling,

You are the only exception.

Maybe I know somewhere

Deep in my soul

That love never lasts.

And we've got to find other ways

To make it alone.

Or keep a straight face.

And I've always lived like this

Keeping at comfortable distance.

And up until now I've sworn to myself

That I'm content with loneliness.

Because none of it was ever worth the risk.

Well you are the only exception.

You are the only exception.

I've got a tight grip on reality,

But I can't let go 

of what's in front of me here.

I know you're leaving in the morning

When you wake up.

Leave me with some kind of proof

 it's not a dream.

You are the only exception

And I'm on my way to believing.

Oh, and I'm on my way to believing.

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What Is Love 2017🏳️‍🌈

So 

I wrote a post last year 

at the start of my blog 

Called 

What is Love link here
http://stephenhalbhuber.blogspot.co.uk/2015/08/what-is-l-o-v-e.html?m=1

I wrote the post 3 years ago this October but only published it last year 

I have written hundreds of posts, 

Poems, & stories which I have never took the time to actually sit down and put them all into digital form as I am to lazy to do it 

I published a free book on iTunes 

With 10 small stories/poems and it has had over 4,000 downloads 

So you think this would spur me on 

but it hasn't 

I have just finished watching a web series called hunting season season 2 

and the last episode 

really got me thinking about life in general 

Everyone in the 90s dreamed of being 

Carrie from Sex and city and write a blog that people will follow but I never realised it till now a year ago I said I was going to start writing more posts and putting them online and I just haven't 

I haven't made a decent youtube video in a long time I just haven't felt creative 

Which for me is a bad thing 

But then I ask myself why I haven't 

Is it cause I'm sad .......... maybe 

Is it cause I'm lonely ...... maybe 

Have I been waiting to find them 

one and not been looking in the right places ....... maybe 

Had casual sex and dating apps killing my passion for finding love ??? 

I think it might be 

We live in an age for me as a gay man 

To open an app and hook up with people at a few clicks of some buttons 

Some empty words 

A few sexual gestures 

And 20 minutes later your hooking up with a random stranger 

Where is the romance in that !!! 

And I've been doing it for too many years 

So today is the day 

I delete all the apps and start moving 

Myself forward 

Get out of this funk and do something worth while 

Let it be know 

The words and posts that will start to appear will be not for the faint hearted 

It's not going to be seedy or crude but I need to get all the bad stuff out from my past 

So I can look forward to my future 

Cause lets face it 

I ain't getting any younger 

And with my family history 

I'm gonna be bald by the time I'm 40 

So here we go 

No holds barred 

Unfiltered and ready to dish the dirt 

So 1 year ago I wrote 

What is L-O-V-E 

and to date it is one of my most viewed blog posts 

And in the last year I learnt nothing so 

We're going back to the old school 

So enjoy this ride and let me know and thoughts and comments of the stuff you read 

Sincerely 

Stephen X

PROMO PARTNER  

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i am proud to have partnered with the website PrideBunny.com

a new website selling baseball caps as its a new site please help support this new LGBT organisation.

Can be used anywhere and shipped globally 

use the promo code 

STEPHENH25 

TO RECEIVE 25% DISCOUNT ON ANY ORDERS 

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The Time Is Now 🏳️‍🌈

The time is now

That's it the time is now
I have 5 months to my 30th bday and I'm not going to be the same person as I am now
the drinking
the smoking
the being single
the unhealthy ness
in my whole life has to end
 I have 5 months which is a good enough time scale to sort myself out and be in a good place
for when the big day comes
 I also am going to finish
how to play guitar
as its something
I have been pitting of for a long time
I have put my song writing behind me for so long and it's something
I feel passionate about
I can't sing for shit
 but like my writing I feel so much better when I get these thoughts out of my head and onto paper !!
So let it be said from this day
it is a whole new me
a whole new chapter to write about and a purpose in my life !!
So stayed tuned onto this blog and come with me on my journey
And let's see if there really is a path to happiness

Give it some time
Give yourself hope
give yourself something to look forward too
If not ill give u mine
Cause I don't need it anymore !!
Don't put all your eggs in one basket just incase it drops and breaks !!

I tend not to wear my heart on my sleeve as it hasn't got me very far in the past I try to fit in to so many different stereotypes and I seem to fit none of them

To quote a very famous lady
Songwriter and singer....

"I can't make you love me
if you don't
I can't make ur heart feel
something it dont want
So here in the dark
In this final hour
I can't make u feel something that you don't feel !! "....

No more true words have ever
Been spoken

PROMO PARTNER  

http://www.PrideBunny.com 

i am proud to have partnered with the website PrideBunny.com

a new website selling baseball caps as its a new site please help support this new LGBT organisation.

Can be used anywhere and shipped globally 

use the promo code 

STEPHENH25 

TO RECEIVE 25% DISCOUNT ON ANY ORDERS 

if you buy any merch take a pic and tweet me @shalbhuber 

Do You Think Of Me 🏳️‍🌈

Do you think of me

Sat here on the bus
thinking 

random thoughts in my head 

and a random podcast comes on

My shuffle list of one of our many drunken  

nights in and out and it makes me wonder 

if you ever think of me since we been apart

 its been 4 months now 

I know it was over long before then 

But the more I sit here 

The pains in my stomach 

Intensify and I feel sick 

Thinking bout you 

And wandering 

Do you think of me ? 

We haven't spoke for ages 

not even a txt 

I hope ur happy with the 

Choices that you have made 

And life works out for you 

I always said I would be there for you 

No matter what and I think time will tell on that one 

I can't promise you anything anymore 

Cause I don't know if 

Do you even think of me at all !!

PROMO PARTNER  

http://www.PrideBunny.com 

i am proud to have partnered with the website PrideBunny.com

a new website selling baseball caps as its a new site please help support this new LGBT organisation.
Can be used anywhere and shipped globally 

use the promo code 

STEPHENH25 

TO RECEIVE 25% DISCOUNT ON ANY ORDERS 

if you buy any merch take a pic and tweet me @shalbhuber 

Introducing Me And My Nightmares ☠️

So I have been struggling the last few weeks with vivid dreams and nightmares and they have been very very graphic 

I've not been on social media or online as I have given up smoking and i have been 20 days nicotine free it has been a rough ride I've gained weight and loose my temper very quickly and say everything that is in my mind and it doesn't bother me who I offend so hence why I have turned to writing 

I have been smoking for the last 18 years of my life and this has repercussions on the human body that I didn't know about 

Quit Smoking here http://www.nhs.uk/livewell/smoking/Pages/stopsmokingnewhome.aspx

so I went online and to find out some more info about the human body when you give up certain drugs, here is what I have found out .........

Referenced from 

https://healthunlocked.com/quitsupport/posts/1047863/vivid-dreams-when-stopping-smoking-heres-why...

It has been discovered through research that it is part of the recovery process. The brain begins to repair itself and reverse damage caused from smoking. Neurobiologists have discovered that brain cells sprout new axons and nerve fibres during dream sleep. A chemical named serotonin in the brain triggers the brain to dream. 

Smoking depletes serotonin production in the brain. When serotonin levels in the brain are balanced it creates a happy and contented state of mind. When serotonin levels are low a depressed and anxious state of mind is created. It is believed that smoking cigarettes can deplete serotonin levels by up to 50%. What compounds this problem is that the brain accepts the chemicals in a cigarette as a serotonin substitute on the basis that any chemical response is better than no chemical response at all. So therefore, when an individual stops smoking, serotonin production improves and the brain begins to compensate itself for lost serotonin production. The brain then produces more serotonin than needed, resulting in vivid dreams and nightmares. 

Research has shown that it takes the brain 3 weeks to regulate serotonin levels. 

Further research suggests that with an increase in serotonin levels there must be an increase in oxygen levels too. When a person stops smoking, carbon monoxide no longer takes priority over oxygen on the red blood cells. As a result of this change, oxygen levels of the individual increase. More oxygen is carried around the body and to the brain. When the stop smoker sleeps there is a higher percentage of oxygen reaching the brain than when they were a smoker. This process helps promote a process called rapid eye movement (REM) while sleeping. REM is an important process in dream production along with serotonin production. 

It is essential to reassure a client that the first three weeks of a quit attempt are crucial. Vivid dreams are all part and parcel of the recovery process and the pathway to a healthier life style. 

It is a positive symptom as it is the brains way of repairing itself and returning to a better deeper sleep.

So I hoped this helped anyone that might be going through this 

And if you are please get in touch as I would love to talk to some people about it 

PROMO PARTNER  

http://www.PrideBunny.com 

i am proud to have partnered with the website PrideBunny.com

a new website selling baseball caps as its a new site please help support this new LGBT organisation.

Can be used anywhere and shipped globally 

use the promo code 

STEPHENH25 

TO RECEIVE 25% DISCOUNT ON ANY ORDERS 

if you buy any merch take a pic and tweet me @shalbhuber